Pain That Lasts
by Legolass Turner
Summary: Tobias only had four fears. But these fears were very real, as were the events that caused them. From abusive relationships to abusive parents, life wasn't easy for him. He needed to escape. This is the story of how he got away from it all and finally found happiness. Rated M for violence, rape, torture, and other such things. If you're not comfortable with that, don't read it
1. Fear 1: Abuse

"Tobias, your test results are in," Tori said.

He hadn't been paying attention. He was so nervous to see what faction he belonged in. He was staring down at his feet, but when she said that, he immediately looked up.

"Well? Which faction did I get?" he asked.

"Tobias… it's… it's not a faction. You're… Divergent."

"Divergent? What does that mean?" Tobias asked.

"Shh! Don't talk so loud. We can't let anybody find out. Being divergent means that you're… different. You think for yourself. You aren't one faction over the others. Technically, you got Abnegation. But your results make you divergent. You cannot reveal that to anybody. Not your family, not your friends." Tobias said thank you and left. He was still confused, but decided that it wasn't worth it to question Tori more than he already had. As he walked home, it started to rain. He let the cool, crisp drops roll down his face. He stopped walking and just stood there in the refreshing rain and it felt great. It was slowly washing away all of the worries he had about being divergent, whatever that meant. He had his eyes closed as he tilted his head back to feel the cool water on his face. He opened his eyes and flipped his shaggy hair to get it out of his face. He started walking again.

"Tobias!" a voice said. He turned around to see who it was. He thought he recognized the voice.

"Sam," he said. She was an old friend. They'd known each other since they were only five. She wasn't traditionally pretty, but she was pretty in her own way. She had long, curly brown hair and grey eyes. She was curvy, but not overweight, and she was tall. She was wearing the typical grey Abnegation clothes. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him.

"Have you taken the aptitude test?" she asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Well," she responded, "I took it yesterday but I'm not sure if I want to go with my results. I got Dauntless but somehow that doesn't seem right. I thought for sure I'd be Erudite."

"Oh," he said. "I got Abnegation." They conversed for a few more minutes, and then went their separate ways. He went inside, ate dinner with his family, and went up to his room to think.

Tobias woke up. It was 10:00. He had fallen asleep. He heard snoring from his parents' bedroom. He thought he was safe. He decided he should change out of his day clothes and get ready for bed. He pulled his shirt over his head. He felt the cold air on his skin. He shivered. He unbuttoned his pants and started to unzip them, but got distracted when he heard footsteps. He froze. He knew what that sound meant. And he wished he didnt.

The door opened. Tobias' eyes started to water. He was breathing fast. It was happening again.

"Tobias, come with me," he said. It was Tobias' father. He was holding a long, black belt. He left the room and pulled down the ladder that led to the closet. He started climbing the ladder. Tobias followed his father. He was shaking as he ascended the ladder up to the attic.

The attic was musty. There was old furniture everywhere, and everything was the same shade of chalky grey. In Abnegation, everything was grey. There was a fine layer of dust covering everything. There was very little light in the tiny space. The tiny bit of light that was present was from a small, dirty window that overlooked the family's pristine front yard. The corner of the room was the only clean part of the entire room. It reeked of bleach. From a distance, it looked clean and neat. Up close, however, there were clear blood stains on the floor. Someone had obviously tried to wash it away with bleach, but the blood wouldn't wash away.

Tobias backed slowly into his corner. He was facing his father as he stood there shaking. His bare torso was covered in goosebumps. He cowered in his corner.

"Tobias, your selection is tomorrow. Which faction are you choosing?" the man with the belt asked.

"I… I… um… Abnegation," Tobias stuttered. He was shaking so hard that he couldn't even speak.

"Good, good. Just making sure. But, just in case you get any ideas, I must condition you."

Conditioning. Normally the word was used in the context of training, or perhaps learning something new. In this context, it meant something entirely different.

"Turn around, Tobias. This is for your own good," Marcus whispered. The 16-year-old boy turned around, exposing his back. He knelt down and lowered his head. Unbenounced to his father, a single tear slid down his face. Then another. And another. He was anxiously awaiting what he knew was going to happen.

The man with the belt raised his hand. He hesitated, seeing his son cowering in front of him, but decided that he had to continue. The belt cracked loudly as it came down on the boy's bare back. Tobias screamed in pain as the belt sliced his skin. The scars on his back stood out as the blood ran over them. _Crack!_ Once again the belt whipped Tobias' skin. He cried harder as he moaned in pain. The cuts were deep. Marcus was using all of his strength to abuse his son. The belt kept coming, digging gashes that practically scraped bone. Tobias screamed louder as the pain got more and more intense.

"Please," he sobbed. "Please, please stop. Please." The begging was useless. The whip continued to shred his skin. Tobias felt the warm, sticky blood drip down his back and onto his pants. It was pouring down his skin, and eventually it was pooling in and around his grey sneakers. The whipping finally stopped.

"I hope that reassured your decision," Marcus said, "because if you ever leave this faction, you will regret it."


	2. Dauntless

Tobias waited until his father was gone to get up. He was still crying, the tears rolling silently down his face. He felt the pain from his wounds searing through his body. He was shaking and could barely stand. He heard his father open his bedroom door and close it behind him. Dreading the consequences of being caught with deep gashes on his back, Tobias quickly descended the ladder and ran into the bathroom.

There was no mirror, and he was glad that there wasn't. He didn't want to see how he looked. He started the shower, but realized that with his back in this much pain, the water wouldn't feel very good. He plugged the tub and switched the water so it would fill it. He unbuttoned his grey pants and pulled them off, looking away so he wouldn't see the blood stains. He tugged off his underwear and felt very exposed standing there completely naked. He tested the water. It was warm, but not too hot. He stepped into the bath and cautiously lowered himself into the warm water.

The water stung his back at first, but soon after it was soothing as it washed away the blood. Tobias felt sick as he looked down and noticed that the water was swirling with red from his back. He sat in this safe haven for what felt like hours. He eventually got out and dried himself with a grey towel. He gingerly patted his back with the warm towel, but even that was enough to make him wince. He put on a pair of plain pajama pants and walked to his bedroom. He laid on his bed face down to not irritate his back. He let himself drift into a deep sleep. The cool sheets were exactly what he needed to finally relax.

It had been a week since the initial incident. Tobias woke up and he wasn't at home in Abnegation. The day of his selection, he chose to leave and go to Dauntless. He knew it was a risk, but he needed to get out. The pain of his past was too much. His father glared at him as he walked to the train to leave for Dauntless that day. But now he was gone. Tobias successfully made it into training to become a member of his new faction. He was the first to jump off of the moving train, and he won every fight he was forced to participate in. He was first in his division. It was nice. For once, he wasn't useless and afraid. He felt powerful.

"Hey, baby," a flirtatious voice said. Tobias opened his eyes and sat up. He felt the weight on his legs and knew who was sitting on him.

"Morning, Sarah," he said. She was blonde with bright green eyes. She was the kind of girl who could charm any man with her words. She was absolutely gorgeous and her smooth talk made her irresistible. She had large breasts that she loved to flaunt. Everything she wore was low cut and made her even more tempting. Tobias was not fooled by her looks. He knew that she was dangerous, but in reality, that made her even more perfect. He had asked her out the night before. They were technically dating now, but he wasn't really ready for a full-out relationship.

"So, I was thinking that maybe after practice we could, well, you know… hook up," she said with a wink. He wasn't fooled. He knew what she really wanted to do.

"Look, Sarah, I'm not really comfortable with… um… having… sex. Yeah. I don't want to do that yet," he said. In a smooth movement, she quickly repositioned herself so she was straddling him. She laid down on top of him, her face right above his.

"Okay, honey. Not today," she said in a sweet voice. "But maybe you'll change your mind."

With that, Sarah left the room. He was glad she was gone. She was too experienced for her age. She lost her virginity a year ago. The only reason she didn't hide it is because she was a Candor, and couldn't tell lies. He felt uncomfortable around her, but didn't want to let her down. His selfless Abnegation nature made him want to please her.

With her gone, he was able to pull off his blankets and get dressed. He pulled on a white undershirt, then a black and white flannel button-up shirt. Tobias then chose a pair of jeans in a chalky black color. He felt comfortable for the first time since he arrived. As he looked in the mirror, he inspected the Dauntless tattoo on his neck. Unlike his fellow initiates, he didn't get it to represent his new faction. It was meant to symbolize his escape.

He walked into the cafeteria and sat alone. He was never really an outgoing person. The abuse sessions he encountered made him quiet. He didn't want to be hurt.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Tobias looked up. A boy, a younger boy, was standing at the table with his tray. He had a shaved head and a piercing in his ear.

"Um, sure," Tobias replied. "I'm Tobias."

"I'm Eric," the stranger replied. "It's nice to meet you. Where are you originally from?"

"I'm Abnegation. You?"

"Erudite," Eric replied. "Hey, a group of the other guys and I are heading up to the top of the tower tonight for a little… party. Do you want to join us?"

Tobias paused. He had never been invited to a party before. He was nervous. He didn't want to get hurt. He just wanted to hide in his bunk and cry.

"Sure, that sounds fun," Tobias answered. "Will… will Sarah be there?"

"Nah, she scares me a bit. I don't know _what_ you see in her, to be honest," Eric said.

"Actually, I don't see anything in her. She scares me, too." Tobias ate his lunch, then excused himself. He went back to his room and pulled a book out of the bag he brought with him. It was about the history of the faction. He started to read about the Dauntless when Eric walked into the room.

"Hey, man, let's go!" Eric said enthusiastically. Tobias stood up and put on his high top sneakers. They left the room and headed up the stairs to the roof.


	3. Fear 2: Murder

Tobias walked behind Eric as they ascended the spiral staircase that led to the roof. He was surprisingly excited to go to this party. He'd never really done anything fun before. Usually he would be helping others, not enjoying himself. That was the nice part about being Dauntless. He was allowed to take risks.

The two boys reached a glass door. Eric wrenched it open, and they walked out onto the roof. The wind was fast and Tobias was thrown back. He was so thin that it was easy for the wind to toss him like he was nothing more than a piece of paper.

"Eric!" he yelled. "Why are we up here?" He looked around and saw nothing but a flat surface. There wasn't even a wall around the roof even though it was hundreds of feet above the ground.

"Tobias," Eric explained, "your rank is why we're here. You're first rank, an Abnegation in first rank. _I_ should be first rank. Not you. And that's why I needed to… get you away from the initiation for a while." He opened a small door in the side of the room they came in from. The door itself was only big enough for a person, a thin person, to slither through.

"Go," Eric said, pulling out a knife, "or I'll have to make you."

Tobias was horrified. It was happening all over again. The threats. The cramped space high above the ground. It was no better than being in Abnegation with his father. He quickly slid into the tiny crawl space. It wasn't a tiny room as he expected. It was a tunnel. He followed the tunnel until he came to a small room.

Tobias entered the room and stood up. It was all white. White walls, white floor, white furnishings. On the desk were several weapons. A gun, a knife, and a whip. There were handcuffs on the nightstand. Tobias felt a knot form in his stomach as he realized where he was. This was a torture chamber, intended to make him quit.

"Tobias," said a familiar voice, "welcome to my playroom." He spun around and saw that the person behind him was…

"Sarah," Tobias sighed, "thank god. I… I thought I was going to be tortured. I'm so glad to see you."

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong. I am going to torture you. I heard about what you said to Eric. That you've only been acting like you love me. Using me. And I'm sick of losing to you. Your rank is too high. You haven't exactly made a good impression."

Tobias was feeling sick to his stomach. Just when he thought he had escaped his nightmares, they were back.

"Go. On the bed. Now," Sarah ordered. Tobias walked over to the bed and sat on it.

"Take off your shirt. And pants." He followed her orders, and felt extremely uncomfortable sitting there like this. She was wearing a jumpsuit that zipped from her crotch up to her neck. It was a shade of light green that made her eyes stand out. She walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the handcuffs. She cuffed his hands behind his back.

"There. Now you can't escape," she whispered into his ear. "Now I can have my way with you." She opened the drawer of the nightstand. He got one glance of its contents before he had to look away. In it were condoms, vibrators, and lubricants. He knew where this was going, and he did not like it one bit.

"Sarah, no. Don't do this to me," he pleaded. She ignored his pleas and simply grabbed a bottle of lubricant from the drawer. She walked over to him and sat on his lap.

"Mmmm, Tobias, I think you know what I want. And you wouldn't give it to me. But I intend to get it one way or another." She kissed him, but instead of returning her kiss, he tried to bite her lip. She pulled away. Her eyes trailed down his chiseled face, following the lines of his abs down to his boxers. She started to pull them off, making him more and more uncomfortable by the second. She finally was able to pull them off, and he broke down.

"Sarah," he sobbed, "please don't do this. Please, just let me go." As he started to cry, she ignored his words started to touch him. At her touch, he cried out in misery. At the sound, she immediately stood up, aware that she was torturing him. She was furious that he wouldn't give her what she wanted, and she intended to punish him for it. She slowly started to unzip her jumpsuit, revealing that she was wearing nothing else. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch. She finished undressing and went back to work.

"Funny," she whispered. "By now, they're usually getting at least a little hard, but not you. I wonder why." With that she stroked harder, and he moaned, not with pleasure, but with pain. He had had enough. He had just enough strength left to kick out. She squealed as he kicked her in the stomach. He jumped up off the bed and walked over to where she lay cowering on the floor.

"Unlock the cuffs. Now," he demanded. She stood up and ran to grab the key. She ran back to untie him, but instead of doing so, she knelt on the ground in front of him. He thought she was going to beg for mercy, but it was a trap. As soon as he felt, powerful, she attacked. He was helpless as she worked him with her hands. She got what she wanted. He was miserable because she wouldn't do what he wanted. For Tobias, it would have felt pleasant if it weren't forced. She gave up as she felt the tears starting to drip off of his face and onto her arm. She unlocked the cuffs, thinking that she could make him want it. She underestimated him.

Now that he was free, Tobias ran to the table and grabbed a gun. He pointed it at her, and she put her hands up.

"Please don't shoot," she sobbed. "Tobias, I'm sorry. Please don't do this." He was beyond reason. She had just raped him and she wanted forgiveness. He could no longer hear her begging for mercy. He had a sudden flashback to when he would cower in front of his father after being whipped. The whipping seemed tame compared to this. Something inside of him snapped as he recalled those memories.

"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said, "but this is the end." He pulled the trigger and shot her right through the chest. He looked at her limp body laying on the floor, staining the white carpet. He was shocked. He didn't mean to kill her, didn't mean for things to end this way. He just felt so much rage boiled up inside and he pulled the trigger without realizing it. He took her life. And it scarred him. He shot her. Just like that. And this trauma was too much. He promised himself that no matter how bad things got, he would never kill someone again unless they were trying to kill him.

Tobias went over to the white bed and decided to sleep. It had been an eventful day, and he needed some rest. Unfortunately, his sleep was infected by nightmares caused by the murder he committed.


End file.
